


Target Practice

by vortexofdeduction



Category: Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-17
Updated: 2014-10-17
Packaged: 2018-02-21 13:52:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2470547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vortexofdeduction/pseuds/vortexofdeduction
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ever wondered why the stormtroopers can't shoot to save their lives (literally)? This funny short story takes a look at just why that might be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Target Practice

"Attention!" the instructor bellowed. "This is Stormtrooper Shooting 101. If this is not the class you were looking for, leave now." A few dejected stormtroopers walked out, hanging their heads in shame. "There are always a few of those." he said in contempt. "Now then, you will listen to my every word and obey it as if it is law. Is that clear?"

"Sir, yes, sir!" they shouted in unison.

 

"Good. Now then, I want you to line up." The stormtroopers arranged themselves in a horizontal line. "No, not like that, you idiots!" They looked blankly at him. "Line up behind me!" They lined up behind the instructor and waited for instructions.

"Listen carefully. To shoot properly, you must use the Force. Do you understand?"

"Sir, yes, sir!"

"No, you don't! I haven't even told you what that means yet. Now let me try again: to shoot properly, you must use the Force. Do you understand?"

"Sir, no, sir!"

"And that, you miserable bunch of buffoons, is why I am going to teach you. You will listen closely to my every word and understand me completely. Got that?"

"Sir, yes, sir!"

"Now, as I said, you must use the Force. You all know what the force is, I assume?"

"Sir, yes, sir!"

"Good. Now then, feel the Force within you. Let the power of the dark side flow through you." He gestured with his arms, and a few stormtroopers began to giggle. "Is there something funny? Do I amuse you?" He shouted sternly.

"Sir, no sir!"

"Good. Now then, as I was saying... You must feel the Force, and it will guide your arms when shooting.  _Now_  do you understand?"

"Sir, yes, sir."

 

"Now you try it." He pointed to the first stormtrooper in line. The stormtrooper shot around wildly and completely missed the target. "What was that about?" the instructor yelled in exasperation.

"Um... I can't feel the Force, sir."

"Nonsense! Every good warrior can feel the Force! Only people who are Force-sensitive are great enough to be stormtroopers."

"Yes, sir."

"Good. Now then, I expect you to work on your aim, but always let the Force lead you, not your eyes. In fact..."

 

He turned to the stormtrooper who was next in line. "Close your eyes, put your blast shield down, whatever you can do to obstruct your vision."

"But sir, I won't be able to see a thing! How will I be able to fight?"

"Use the Force. It will guide you." The stormtrooper sighed, closed his eyes... and shot a random squirrel passing by, the sign saying 'no guns beyond this point', and his own foot.

"Sir, I can't feel the Force either."

"Can anyone here feel the Force?" the instructor yelled, despairing. All the stormtroopers shook their heads. "You all are a bunch of losers. Good luck with your target practice." He walked out.


End file.
